Where would we be without parents? Well, we probably wouldn’t be here. We often start to respect someone much more when we lose them. I felt it recently, after my mother died only 3 weeks after my father. Thus, their last wish came true that, when one left, the other would soon follow him.
It was very touching to say goodbye to them at their grave. Even though many present, including me, we believe that they continue to live in the spiritual world. The fact that they are no longer physically present here was a big change, a blow and a loss. At the same time, it was an experience from which I learned a lot and which I think helped me grow internally.
For example, we were able to share a lot of beautiful memories. Our parents were wonderful people and had a beautiful long life, 101 and 99, married for 75 years. Even if someone does not believe in the afterlife, it is clear how they continue to live in their 7 children, 19 grandchildren and 19 great-grandchildren.
My wife believed in God when her grandmother died. It was during the period of communism, and at that time, under the given regime, neither she nor her family believed in God or anything else spiritual. She loved her grandmother very much, and her death was hard for her. However, when she asked where her grandmother had gone, the answer was, ‘Nowhere, it’s just gone.’ However, she could not believe that such a wonderful woman would just evaporate into the void. She wanted to figure out what had happened to her grandmother, so she slowly realized that life was more than what we see with our eyes. It opened her eyes to the spiritual world and after a certain time she found God and believed in him.
My parents have been religious all my life. It was possible to see in their positive outlook on life, in how they cared about others and how much they loved children, not just their own. Their doors were always open to visitors. They loved people and people loved them. A large number of people came to the funeral.
My father, being a doctor, saved many people from the Nazis during World War II. As a gynecologist, he gave birth to thousands of children and was very fond of children. A close acquaintance of our family, whose children were born to my father, told me how wonderful every birth was with his help. She also told me what one nurse at the hospital told her. If a woman didn’t want her baby, my father took the baby in his arms after the birth, held them and spoke to him. He tried to make the baby as warmly as possible into his new life.
My mother was very humble, modest and had an enormous amount of patience and tolerance. She didn’t reject anyone. She always listened to everyone with everything they had in mind. Until the end of her life, she never complained that she was in pain. Even though she had bedsores on her back, legs and feet from lying in bed for a long time, when asked how she was doing, she always answered as usual: ‘I’m fine.’ She never complained! I believe that she gained that strength from love and surrender to God and from his closeness.
When I visited them during their last days of earthly life, it helped me look at my own life and think about it. I wondered, what am I doing with my life? What is my goal in life? Am I achieving my life goals? Such moments help us realize how short our life is. A few years ago, when they asked Billy Graham, who was already at an advanced age, what surprised him the most in life, he replied: ‘His shortness!’ When I was discussing with one of my friends that my parents’ life was coming to an end, he said to me: ‘And we are next in line!’
It happened so quickly, especially towards the end. A neighbor of my parents told me that back in the spring she saw my father in the garden with large garden shears cutting the strong branches of ivy that was climbing on the wall around our house. It didn’t occur to me that it would go so quickly when I saw them live in my own house just a few months ago. I would therefore like to show people more love and appreciation while I still have the opportunity, because I don’t know when I will see them again.
When I saw how my parents became more and more dependent on the help of others, it reminded me of young children, only the opposite. When young children are born, they are completely helpless. They have to learn to eat, talk, walk, etc. As soon as people reach the end of their lives, they slowly stop doing the same things. They prepare to leave their earthly bodies, move to the spiritual world, where their souls will continue to live, like a butterfly that leaves its pupa to become a beautiful new creature. Or as a seed that must fall into the earth and die before a new plant grows out of it, our physical bodies must also die in order to begin a new life in the next world.
Both my parents believed in eternal life with God who created them. When the priest celebrated the last mass in their honor, he spoke very positively. He called it the Mass for the Resurrection and emphasized that they were present with us. It reminded me of what the evangelical preacher Moody said in his optimistic way: ‘One day you will read in the newspaper that D.L. Moody of East Northfield died. Don’t believe it for a second! I will by then much more alive than I am now.
After the funeral ceremony, our family, who came from 7 different countries, gathered with close friends at the restaurant to enjoy each other’s company. It was very pleasant to meet again, share your experiences and get closer to each other again. The tears we shed at the grave were replaced by comfort, loving support and renewed friendships. On the way home we felt the blessing of this whole experience, we began to look forward to life with new courage, hope and strength. Sorrow turned into joy. I feel the same as the apostle Paul when he wrote in 1 Corinthians 15:55: ‘Where is he, of death, your weapon? Where is, of death, your victory?’
unabled Wolfgang Schmidt, October 2015
